


Wanted

by wrttn_word



Series: And Believe, There's More [9]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Cake, Cashton, Cute, Fluffy, Luke is kind of a dick, M/M, Sad, mikey is a good friend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-16
Updated: 2019-07-16
Packaged: 2020-06-29 09:38:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19827445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wrttn_word/pseuds/wrttn_word
Summary: The secrecy of certain happiness bleeds into sadness sometimes. It be like that.





	Wanted

Up in hazy mist of fog, was the sun rising.   
Heat radiated off every surface, steam rolling off the pavement from fresh rain. 

The heat didn’t bother them, lost in a conversation about everything and nothing at all. It was as if there was nothing else, just hazel eyes and dark hair and in irreplaceable sense of belonging. 

Calum was smiling, dark eyes bright as he looked at Ashton with something that felt like summer and sounded like sunshine. He knew Ashton was saying something, but it didn’t matter. He would respond, his smile never faltering. 

That morning was blissful, so quiet and calm, an intense opposite of their general lives. They had been bouncing from city to city for weeks, their only time to stop and breathe was that moment.   
Calum savored it, soaking in how Ashton’s now red curls fell to the side of his face as he watched the sunrise. He was nearly glowing, happy from the inside. 

* 

They had known that their dance couldn’t continue, that eventually they would be caught. Their relationship was a whirlwind of stolen kisses, love in the dark and fear that threatened to suffocate them both. 

Luke found them first.   
Asleep, they were curled together, fingers intertwined on the couch. He hadn’t said anything at first, but it ate at him that they said nothing. 

Calum had distanced himself from them, no longer being the cuddly bear he once was, so it struck Luke as odd that he would hold hands with Ashton and feel comfortable enough to fall asleep.   
In their younger years, Calum had craved the attention of his band members; yet as they grew and got into relationships and he stayed alone, he pulled himself from them. In a way, it had been helpful for the rest of the boys to have space but in the same breath, there was a whisper of missing the sound of his heartbeat so close. 

Luke had cornered them both in the tour bus, trapping them in their bunks.  
“So, are you going to tell me what exactly is going on between the two of you?”

The blue of his eyes was fiercely determined and nearly accusatory. There was something feral, almost jealous contained there and it made Calum’s defense line of lies pop up while Ashton’s lowered.   
“No?”   
Ashton answered, but it came out unsure, as if he didn’t know what Luke wanted. 

“At this current moment, what’s going on is that we’re discussing what we should go out in.” There was a closed curtain in Calum’s eyes, a camera shutter that had closed and Luke saw him separate himself. 

“Don’t do that. You’re not allowed to just shut me out. I’m not a stranger, Calum. I’m supposed to be your best friend.” 

For a moment, a mere moment, Luke saw what looked like fury in Calum’s eyes and then it was gone, and he didn’t reply.   
Luke let it go, for the time being. 

* 

The next time they were careless and they were drunk, a little too close, a little too comfortable, and far more than a little to boisterous in a hotel room.   
Michael watched as Calum nearly lay on top of Ashton, settling his head on the older man's chest before taking a sip of his drink.

Like Luke, Michael thought it strange that Calum was touching so freely, being so openly in need of affection that he went straight to Ash.   
“Are you..like a thing?” 

Michael’s eyes were soft, the green of them simply curious and not at all aggressive as Luke’s had been.   
Calum smiled small, and shrugged ever so slightly. Ashton tilted his head down and nuzzled the now white curly hair beneath his chin, a smile of his own playing on his lips. 

There was a warm feeling that spread like wildfire across Michaels chest, something that felt like warm sun and happiness. In that moment, he realized he hadn’t seen Calum that content or genuinely at ease in years.  
In the same moment, he connected all the dots. Ashton’s girlfriend as a coverup, the lies that never quite made sense to him when given to the public, and the shy smiles that they exchanged added up to nothing else. 

“Does Luke know?” 

In three words, all the peace that Calum had been exuding dissipated into a fine smoke and drifted away.   
“Sort of.” Ashton answered again, his smile, too, leaving him as quickly as it had come. Michael got the sense that details weren’t to be pressed. 

“Are you going to tell him?”   
In the air sat a fear that seemed to be weighing down on Calum chest and he stood with a shrug. 

“Why should we? All he’ll do is be angry.”   
There was a sense of bitterness that left the taste of sadness in his tongue as he said it. 

“He’ll be angry it’s not him.” The words were under Ashton’s breath, but Calum heard them and his head snapped towards the man with a blaze of fire in his eyes. 

“It could’ve been and we both know it.” 

It took Michael a moment to understand that this was something monumental, something far bigger than he knew and far out of his reach. He had questions, a myriad of them traipsing around his mind. 

“He could have?” Michael’s voice came out quieter than he thought it might and gentler than he had known it could be.   
All at once, he felt the gaze of brown eyes and hazel ones glaring at him. 

“Luke and I..” There was a pause, a frustrated silence. “Luke pushed me to the side and blames me for why we never worked. We tried. It failed. And he still hates the idea of me being with anyone else.” 

With those words, Michael felt like he might drown. He could almost hear the sound of Calum’s broken heart, of the glass being swept up as he tried to piece himself back together under the crushing weight of the name ‘Sierra’. 

“Ash treats me better than he did. Better than anyone did for that matter.” The small smile had returned but the darkness in the room lingered despite it.   
“You’re not gonna...freak out right?” 

Calum eyes were wide, and the curtains behind them drawn back, an innocence lurking inside the darkness of his pupils. 

“What would I freak out about?” 

The smile on Calum face started to beam and Michael matched with his own, and a glance at Ashton spoke volumes of how pleased he was. 

* 

“If you’re going to talk shit about me, maybe make sure I’m not around.” 

Luke was leaning against a railing on the balcony of one of their hotel rooms as Calum smoked a cigarette.   
“I didn’t say anything I haven’t said to you directly. Not talking shit when it’s true, is it?” 

Luke was softer this time, a little sadder and a little more grounding.   
“I’m sorry that you felt abandoned.” 

Again, Calum elected to ignore him.  
“I don’t have an issue with you and Ash, by the way. Or you with anybody else. I wish you would’ve told me.” 

The flash of anger returned to Calum’s eyes, yet it stayed and Luke could see the boiling of pushed down frustration coming to the surface.   
“Why should I have? Since you’ve been dating Sierra, you haven’t given a single shit about me. You didn’t even notice, and you wouldn’t have if we hadn’t been careless. It doesn’t matter, Luke.” 

Luke got a little softer at the accusation, and took a fragile step back, blue eyes misty.  
“I do care.” He’s voice wavered but the bubbling of Calum anger did not relent.   
“I know that I haven’t been acting like it-“ 

“You haven’t acted like it since you told me you wouldn’t ever love me, Luke. Admit that and maybe we can go back to actually being friends because right now, all we are is roommates.” 

Ashton had been listening from inside, and he watched as Calum put out his cigarette stub and turned.   
“Cal, I admit it, I’ve pushed you away and I said something that was so fucking untrue and I’m sorry.” 

The world seemed to stop, just for a moment and Calum turned to face him again.  
“I didn’t believe you would actually admit or apologize for that.” 

The camera shutter that had been closed before was slowly beginning to open, however cautious it might’ve been.   
Calum felt the roughness if Ashton’s palm against his, and he took great comfort in it, leaning towards the warmth he knew would anchor him. 

“I’m tired of us fighting and you being angry at me.”   
The softness that Luke was exhibiting melted into outright desperation and Calum saw himself started to soften too. 

“All I ever wanted was an apology.” 

Calum felt a kiss press to his forehead and he smiled lightly.  
This.  
All he ever wanted was this.


End file.
